I wait for Gaius to speak.
“I really can’t stop asking why my father had to die. If they’re friends with beast people now, why couldn’t they have made that decision before killing my father? I keep asking myself this.”
“Yes.”
If that prince changed his mind sooner, Mister Athos might still be alive. There’s no point in thinking about this, but I understand why Gaius keeps doing it.
“My father didn’t have to die… I know the people from Mister Nirushi’s village are going through a really tough time too, but I can’t stop thinking about my father’s death. I know it’s hard for Mister Nirushi’s and the others too, but I can’t forgive those people. That’s all I keep thinking about.”
“Yes.”
“I thought I shouldn’t talk about what I’m feeling… That people would hate me for it… So I kept quiet. My head was just filling more and more with these kinds of thoughts, and I didn’t know what to do, so I tried to not think about it.”
“Yes.”
…But no matter how much I tried, even if I managed to distract myself while exercising, I’d just start thinking about it again as soon as I was done. I feel like the more I push these thoughts down the more they keep rising. I didn’t know what to do. I even thought that someday I might end up attacking those knights.”
…It’s all right. Me, Miss Lan, and everyone else are watching. And even if you feel like, you want to kill at times, deep down you really don’t.”
If Gaius really wanted to kill them, he wouldn’t be so troubled. If killing them made him feel better, he wouldn’t be saying this to me or suffer alone, he’d just do it.
He’s worried that I’m going to hate him for this, but I don’t think I’m ever going to hate him. People change, but Gaius is always going to be the same Gaius I like so much.
The whole reason why he’s so troubled now is because he’s so kind. That’s why I want to watch over Gaius so he’s not caught up in hatred like this.
And it’s not just me. I don’t think anyone would hate Gaius even if they knew what he’s thinking. We’re all in this together, and we all have the same goal.
“Gaius, it’s all right, if you feel that way. You can talk to me any time, if you can’t contain it. It’s not just me, you can talk to people like Miss Lan, Mister Dongu, and Ilkesai and the others. We’ll help you take your mind off it. We all like you very much.”
When I say this, I see tears in Gaius’ eyes, and I’m surprised.
“G-Gaius? What’s wrong?”
“I’m just thinking that I’m blessed, and I’m happy. Thank you Lerunda.”
Says Gaius with a smile while wiping away his tears.
“It’s okay. You helped me a lot too. If you’re feeling gloomy, how about running as fast as you can and yelling? If you do that in your wolf form, you might feel a little better. Maybe it’s dangerous if we go alone, so I can ask the gryphons to come with us…”
I propose to Gaius. Maybe it will help him to vent a little by yelling as loud as he can and saying what he’s been holding in. It’s not like it’s going to make those feelings go away, but maybe it will make him feel a little better.
Also, if he yells in his wolf form, it won’t matter if people can hear him.
Gaius says yes and smiles. I think speaking to me and letting it all out made him feel a little better.
“I’ll try talking to Mister Dongu and the others too.”
“Yes.”
I’m relieved to see Gaius looking better, and saying he’ll talk to other people too.
I can’t understand everything Gaius is thinking, but I’m glad I could help.
Freinet is still next to me, and she whispers ‘humans are difficult’.
She suddenly points somewhere, and I see Miss Lan, Mister Nirushi, Scifo, and Reimar looking this way with concern on their faces.
Everyone cares for Gaius, and they’re worried about him too. They wouldn’t hate him no matter how he felt. I think I feel kind of like how he did when I first used holy magic and collapsed.
He got mad at me for saying it didn’t matter what happened to me, and now I’m telling Gaius it’s all right, and I’m not going to hate him.
Back then I was happy about what he said to me, and now I’m happy because I can help him when he needs it.
“Gaius, Miss Lan and the others are there.”
“Eh, ah, they are.”
“Everyone is worried. They’re all watching over you, so don’t worry.”
“…Yes.”
Me and the people I like support each other.
—Girl and the boy’s conflict – Part three
(The miko feels happy about helping the beast boy, and they are going to keep supporting each other.)
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