A clunk wakes me up inside the transport wagon.
It’s dim around me, but the sunlight entering through the gaps in the window tells me it’s morning.
The ceiling is low, and the door has cold iron bars. My arms and legs are also once again bound, so I cannot escape on my own. But even if I did, I have no place to go in this country, so escaping would probably not make things better for me.
Let’s sort out my current situation.
A few days have passed since the trial, and I am being transported to Melport, where a ship will take me to Abyss Wall.
Everyone treats me very coldly, like I’m a criminal.
A foolish girl who did not notice how great Loyd was, is how people see me.
It’s not like I don’t think they’re playing innocent, but the reason being what it is means I don’t say anything back.
Their cold treatment is wearing down my heart even further.
(How did I end up like this?)
At this point, regret is making its weight felt on me.
When I look back to what I said and did, I see someone who only looked out for herself.
Old me didn’t know anything about the world around her, but had a heart that could treat others with care. But that is completely lost on current me.
I look unpleasant, ridiculous, and pitiful.
I wonder how old me would react if she saw me now? I’m sure she would be very disappointed.
I wanted to make the world happy with alchemy, and I spent years disrespecting the person closest to me.
Looking back, that attitude probably held my alchemy back a lot. I haven’t done a single successful transmutation since he left.
From difficult to simple things, every recipe I came up with needed materials procured in Area Zero.
For example, red potions.
This is an E rank item, normally made with very simple materials. But if I use my Conception magic now, it asks for a material called rainbow herb.
This is something only found in Area Zero.
It wasn’t always like this. I used to come up with recipes that used appropriate materials. What changed is that I started treating Loyd badly.
Conception magic reflects the user’s character.
I have been practicing alchemy in an environment where my words and actions were filled with contradictions, and that shaped said alchemy.
My alchemy currently has a fatal flaw. I had many chances to notice it, but I could never accept it.
And that is how I ended up in this unrecoverable situation.
I look down, and see the shackles on my limbs.
When I realize I won’t ever be able to apologize to Loyd, a tear runs down my cheek.
The conversation I had with that employee in my dream comes back to me.
The relationship between alchemist and exclusive mage I had forgotten all this time.
Alchemists are not supposed to be able to pick materials. It’s very dangerous to be roaming around an area with monsters.
The position of exclusive mage was created in order to protect alchemists and make sure they can focus.
Exclusive mages risk themselves to pick items, and an alchemist cannot be arrogant enough to take that for granted.
I want to apologize to Loyd for how I acted. To say I’m sorry for hurting him.
But I’m sure he would reject that at this point.
The last material he picked for me was Fleur de Einsel. It can only be picked in Area Zero.
Picking in Area Zero is so difficult, that almost no one can do it. Even a master rank party would be risking their lives if they attempted it. This is common knowledge.
If what Crowley said to me is true, being able to pick in Area Zero alone makes Loyd the best among the best in this country.
Why couldn’t I admit that? Why did I treat him like he was inferior?
He risked himself to pick materials for me, so why did I have contempt for him?
I put my arrogance, immaturity, and pride in front of me, and didn’t think about anyone else.
Hecate was my inspiration when it came to alchemy, and my master was the director, but the one who was with me the longest in my journey as an alchemist was without a doubt Loyd.
He was also the first person to work for the sake of me being an alchemist.
If he didn’t become my exclusive mage, my career as an alchemist wouldn’t have left the starting line.
How did I forget something that important until now?
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