We leave Merlin’s house, and walk through the forest together.
No one really touches on Edinburgh’s past here. Surely it’s because her current personality is more mild, and it’s easier to live with her.
“I really was a dangerous presence.”
It doesn’t look like this comes as much of a shock to her, but I’m sure on the inside…
“You don’t have to make that face.”
She says to me.
“Eh?”
“You look worried.”
I put my hand on my face, and feel it’s tense. I guess if I’m more worried than her, there isn’t much point in me being here.
“…Do you want to continue hearing about your past?”
“Yes, no problem.”
She says with a calm smile.
“I guess even without memories, the more substantial things stay the same.”
“Substantial?”
“Like how much of a monster I am.”
She says so jokingly, but it’s clear that’s how she feels.
Yes, what we heard from Merlin was pretty horrible.
If this happened in Japan… No even in this world, it’s a huge crime that would go down in history.
But…
“…If you’re a monster, then I…”
“You’re not.”
“Eh?”
She speaks over me, because she knows what I was going to say.
“I’m a vampire, not a human. I treat people like cattle, much like how you eat animals, so it’s not that different. You were going to say that, right?”
“…How do you know?”
A kind of amused smile forms on her face, and she shakes her head with a kind of serious expression.
“I get what you mean, but you shouldn’t say that. At the very least, past me wasn’t following the rules of nature, I was just satisfying my own desires.”
It’s true, from what we heard from Merlin, there wasn’t much of a point in destroying her life. I feel like it was more out of boredom than anything.
Not to survive, not because it was important, but for her own desires…
“But… It was past you who…”
“Past me and current me are all me. Well, maybe I shouldn’t say that, because it’s not like I’m going to be punished or atone for my crimes…”
Edinburgh stops, and looks up at me.
“Anyway, as far as I can see, you are far from the logic of people.”
“Eh?”
“A regular human would not be standing next to a monster who killed so many. The fact that this is normal to you is proof enough.”
“That’s because my body is strong and I’m not afraid…”
“I’m talking about your mind, not your body… Well, I guess it’s good to stray a little if you’re living on this island, but it’s not good to go too far off.”
She says, and come to think of it, I do feel like my way of thinking is a lot different compared to before.
In my old world, I wouldn’t have thought of someone who killed a lot of people as a friend.
I think all the seven great mages hurt a lot of people in the past. It’s not just them either, I think the inhabitants of this island also hurt people.
I guess if Japanese me saw me completely ignoring that, he would think I’m weird.
“This is just my theory, but I think your mind was given a change when you came to this world.”
“Change?”
“Your body is invincible, but your spirit can’t be damaged either.”
What I wanted was a healthy body that doesn’t get sick. I guess it would make sense for the mental side to be included.
In current times, stress induced problems are also seen as sickness.
“It’s not a bad thing. The god that sent you here is a meddler.”
“Hahaha, it was a good god.”
“Yes. Surely different from the god that caused mother pain.”
We start walking again, and I think about the god that sent me to this world.
At the very least, she didn’t seem like the kind of god that looks down on humans. If anything, I got the feeling that she loved people too much.
In that sense, I think she was close to Miss Miriel.
‘To me, mother is god…’
“Eh?”
“Hn?”
“Did you say something?”
I didn’t hear it because I was deep in thought
“…No, I feel like I did, but I don’t remember.”
She puts her hand on her mouth as she looks like she’s thinking, but she gives up and shakes her head.
I feel like it was important, but if she doesn’t remember, that’s the end of that.
“Well, if it really is important, I’ll remember it eventually. More importantly, next is…”
“Xellos is supposed to be training in this forest… Ah, there.”
Xellos is naked from the waist up, and training with a sword made of flames as usual.
He’s probably been here for a while, because he’s covered in sweat.
“Xellos, do you have a moment?”
“Hn? Arata and Edinburgh? What is it?”
“Well…”
We tell him about Edinburgh wanting her memories back, and he makes the same face as the others.
“You’re against it?”
“Ah… You didn’t really do anything that bad to me, so no, but… I’m more surprised that Merlin and Reina agreed.”
Yes, Edinburgh changed their lives completely.
Apparently the others didn’t have it that bad by comparison, which is a relief to hear.
“Fine then. So Edinburgh from my point of view…”
“If you can tell us something that happened a long time ago, that’d be nice.”
“Like I said, we didn’t really have much of a connection. Just that she killed my partners.”
“…”
Isn’t that a pretty serious connection…
“Don’t make that face. I’m not like Merlin and Reina, I was always trash. If my partners got killed back when I was a bandit, it was well deserved.”
“You were a bandit?”
“Yes. He got picked up on a battlefield as a kid. I think he was a mercenary, but when the war ended, he turned into a bandit. It’s not that rare.”
When Xellos was a kid, he would sneak into villages because people let their guard down with a kid, and he’d tell his allies how things were in it.
At first it went well, but one time, Edinburgh just happened to be in a village, and annihilated that band of bandits.
She spared him because he was a kid, and he became a mercenary.
“Well, it would’ve happened eventually even without her, so I don’t resent her.”
“Why did I destroy you people?”
“Ah? Well, because the villagers asked for help.”
“…From me?”
“…Come to think of it, it was pretty unlike you.”
According to Merlin, she killed all those people in the academy for fun.
According to Xellos, she destroyed a group of bandits to save a village.
They don’t seem like stories of the same person, and it also sticks out to me that she spared Xellos because he was a kid.
“Was there a reason? Was I looking for something?”
“We weren’t that big of a group, and we didn’t have treasure saved up either…”
“Then a person?”
“You killed everyone but me.”
“So it was you.”
“Back then, I was a kid that couldn’t really use magic.”
““Hm…””
We tilt our heads, and Edinburgh suddenly speaks.
“Why did you join the seven great mages?”
“Ah? You killed the others.”
“No, what was the reason?”
I guess normally, someone in Xello’s place wouldn’t join her. Even if they were a group of bandits, they were his only family.
It would make sense for him to be traumatized over them all being killed.
It’s strange that he followed Edinburgh.
“…Because I admired you.”
“Admired?”
“Yes. Those bandits were the strongest as far as I knew, and they were burned without being able to do a single thing about it… I guess it was cool.”
Envy won against the hatred over the people who were raising him being killed.
“That was why I wanted my fire to burn the brightest. To make what I saw that day my own…”
It’s less like he’s telling us, and more like he’s remembering it.
Then he remembers we’re here, and his face turns red.
“S-so that’s it then! I got strong and made my name as a mercenary, and then Zephir came along and told me to join the seven great mages!”
“I see… I get the picture.”
The last part was pretty abridged, but Edinburgh nods.
“So you liked me.”
“How did you reach that conclusion!?”
“Yes, I got that feeling too. Is that wrong?”
“It’s wrong! Geez, you’re kind of screwed up…”
Xellos is exasperated, He worked hard to chase the person he admired, and managed to get close to her…
“I did admire you, but it wasn’t like love or anything… I didn’t even see you as a woman, after seeing you act like a tyrant from up close.”
“…”
Zephir also said she used to do that a lot.
“That’s about all I can say.”
“Yes, thank you.”
“…It really does feel really wrong to hear you say that. Make sure you stay that way when you get your memories back.”
This Edinburgh is also easier for Xellos to deal with.
What will happen when she remembers… Will the current her disappear? If that’s the case, I’m against it.
But in the end, it’s her decision, so I’ll just have to respect it and be ready if that happens.
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He got picked up on a battlefield as a kid -> I got picked up on a battlefield as a kid
Thanks for the treat.