Faith… Believing in something or someone and using those teachings as a foundation. People ‘believe’ in me, and have faith in me as the miko.
And then there’s Mister Ilma. He’s a priest, and he has faith in god and in me because I’m the miko.
To be honest, I can’t understand his belief in a human like me. I understand that I’m the miko, but I’m still human.
I guess I kind of understand it, but it feels weird. But the truth is, there are people who ‘believe’ in me in that way. I need to accept that if I’m going to face Mister Ilma.
“Miss Lerunda! You have come to visit me! I cannot describe what an honor this is!!”
Says Mister Ilma with a happy tone when he sees me.
He smiles very broadly, and his eyes are shining.
Miss Lan says that a visit from me probably makes Mister Ilma feel like he went to heaven.
I also pray to the god that is giving me divine protection, but I get the impression that those feelings aren’t as strong as Mister Ilma’s faith. This really is very complicated.
“Yes… Hum, Mister Ilma, I was thinking that you should start going outside.”
“Oh… Does that mean I have earned your trust?”
“Hum, no, that’s not it.”
Mister Ilma looks disappointed when I say that. I feel like comforting him, but I manage to shake off those feelings.
Miss Lan and Mister Dongu are with me too, but they don’t want to interject any more than necessary.
“I… Think you’re nice, Mister Ilma. I don’t hate you.”
“I feel the same way!!”
“Hum, Ilma… I really think you should shut up and listen.”
Says Miss Shehan, exasperated as she sees Mister Ilma react strongly to everything I say. He realizes what he’s doing, apologizes, and sits up straight.
I think it’d be better if he relaxed a little as he listened, but I continue anyway.
“That, hum… Belief in me. I mean, hum.. I can’t get used to, people seeing me in that way. I don’t hate you, Mister Ilma, but I’m worried about what you might do.”
I face him directly and tell him how I feel, just how I decided to do.
“…Belief is scary. I’m happy, that you think I’m important to you, but when that turns into faith, it becomes scary. I didn’t know what you might do, thinking it was for me, and I wasn’t sure if I could stop you if you did anything I didn’t want you to do, so I chose to not let you go outside.”
Facing someone like this is scary for me, and I wasn’t sure if I could do it, so I just ran away. But if I can deal with this ‘belief’ properly like Phyto, Mister Ilma and Miss Shehan won’t have to stay locked in their house. If we can just come to an understanding…
“But I… Decided to let you stay here in the village, and I think it’s better, if you go outside. I’ll accept that your belief, might lead you to do things, and I’ll stop you if I don’t like them.”
That’s my decision, and I tell it to Mister Ilma directly.
“This is what I decided, because you have special feelings towards me, and I let you stay in the village. So I’ll take responsibility, for what you do.”
That’s how I decided to face Mister Ilma.
“Hum, you can go outside, but that doesn’t mean we trust you. I’ll check, what you’re doing, and I’ll take responsibility, if you do something.
So please… Think before you do something. Think about how I’ll feel, and what will happen to me. What you do will affect me so… Think very carefully.
You can go outside, but I’ll keep an eye on you, and stop you if you try something.”
I say this while looking Mister Ilma in the eyes.
Mister Ilma… Hum… He looks at me like he’s almost moved to tears for some reason. No, he actually looks like he’s about to start crying.
—Girl and faith – Part two
(The miko does her best to face the priest that has faith in her and talks to him.)
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